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Jack Sheppard
02 September 2007 @ 07:22 pm
"The true magic of this broken world lay in the ability of the things it contained to vanish, to become so thoroughly lost, that they might never have existed in the first place." The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, by Michael Chabon.


He thinks that the life he used to life is gone. It hasn’t been that long but he can just barely remember how life used to be anymore. He doesn’t remember a time when he wasn’t worried about others and insane practices. When there weren’t people depending on him and sleeping on the sand.

It just seems like that other life barely exists even though he’s spending all his energy to get back to it. He doesn’t know what he’s fighting to get back to so badly. He doesn’t know who he’s fighting to be anymore. Not that he’s really sure who he was ever fighting to be, not before the island either.

This place makes everything else just fade away into an oblivion he barely cares about anymore. He just keeps going because he has to. He has to have something to do, something to strive for. He will be that person for these people. He will be the one who sacrifices anything he can to save them because it’s who he is, he thinks it’s probably who he’ll always be.

But he still doesn’t know what he’s fighting for. He lost it somewhere along the way.

Muse: Jack Sheppard
Fandom: LOST
Word Count: 198
 
 
Jack Sheppard
Write about a recurring dream you've had. (Or, if you've never had one, write about the most vivid dream you can remember.)

This is set in the Fast Forward time

He dreams about going back. He dreams it so vividly that he can sometimes smell the ocean. That might not sound like a feet when he lives in Los Angeles but the water on the island smelled different. He can smell the island when he wakes up, like it coats his skin as he emerges from the dream. He gasps for air and grasps for a body that's never slept beside him and reality sinks back into his bones. Jack doesn't want to stop dreaming about the island. Things there seemed so much clearer than they do in the real world.

He doesn't know if it's separation anxiety or post traumatic stress but he aches for the hard layer of sand under his body as he tries to sleep. He aches for the sound of her voice drifting over him like the wind in the jungle. The steady and random torrents of rain that belt his against his skin washing away his sins.

He dreams of all these things. Things that happened and things that never did. His island dreams range from the horrific to the truly fantastic, playing fetch with a smoke monster while the dead play football on the beach.

He dreams of making love in the sand, finger tangled in warm brown hair and an equally warm body inviting him inside. Her eyes staring up at him reflecting every intense feeling he's had for her in the few short months.

He dreams of a life that will never happen and one that he never lived.

Jack wishes he could sleep forever.

Muse: Jack Sheppard
Fandom: LOST
Word Count: 264
 
 
Jack Sheppard
Dad,

I think I knew the instant I hurt you. It was walking into that AA meeting and accusing you of sleeping with my wife. The wife that was trying to become ex. I can’t say that sometimes I don’t still think that there had to be more going on. Of all the people for Sarah to call in her time of need, you just don’t seem like an obvious choice. Why not Mark? Or Mom. Okay, not Mom. I don’t believe it anymore, that you slept with her, but I do think you were capable of it. Even so I hate the man I became when I tore into that meeting. I hate that I looked at you and I saw a mirror. I see that mirror a lot sometimes and it scares the living shit out of me. Even when there are literally no mirrors to look into. I stare ahead and picture you looking back at me.

Sometimes I’d ask myself what you would do and then I’d do the opposite. Except in surgery. In surgery you felt almost like a guardian angel because you were so good at what you did, unless you’d been drinking. You were really good at that too, the drinking.

You know how life sometimes seems to spiral out of control and you want to blame someone else? Most kids blame their parents and I’m certainly guilty of that. Looking back at the past when you’d stare down at me with those condescending eyes and tell me I just didn’t have what it took. And then I’ll think about how jealous you would get because you knew I was better than you and I was dad, I was a better surgeon than you, even when you were sober.

The things you put me through as a child were nothing to the things you put me through as an adult. Just like the ways I looked at you when I was an adult were marred by the way I looked at you when I’d been a child. What is it about hurting the ones we love dad? The Sheppard’s are fantastic at it. I used to think that I’d never be able to forgive you but now I know I’m wrong. You are my father and I know in the end you did forgive me and at that moment as the words from Sawyer’s lips washed over me. I knew I forgave you too.

-Jack

Muse: Jack Sheppard
Fandom: Lost
Word Count: 413
 
 
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
 
 
Jack Sheppard
26 June 2007 @ 10:22 am
cut for spoilersCollapse )

Muse: Jack Shephard
Fandom: Lost
Word Count: 236
 
 
Jack Sheppard
Title: Bridge
Song: "Broken Bridge" by Daughter Darling
Character: Jack Shephard
Rating: PG - 13 language
Pairing(s): Illusions to Kate.
Fandom(s): LOST
Author's Note: Finale' Season 3

how could you walk across that broken bridgeCollapse )

Word Count: 428
 
 
 
Jack Sheppard
26 May 2007 @ 05:09 pm
Title: Betrayel
Song: "Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team)" by Taking Back Sunday
Character: Jack Shephard
Rating: PG - 13 language
Pairing(s): Sarah Reference
Fandom(s): LOST
Author's Note: Some of Season 3

when everything you'll get is everything that you've wanted, princessCollapse )
 
 
Jack Sheppard
If you could completely start your life over from scratch, what would you do differently the second time around (if anything)? Why?

Can you ever really start over? Honestly, we crashed on an island and essentially did start over. I truly believed what I told Kate in the beginning; we all died in that plane crash and our lives before shouldn’t affect what happened on the island. But they did. They always will. Even if you were able to start over in a completely knew place you still have all the experiences of your life that shape who you are. For instance, I’ll never not be the doctor to these people. It’s a intrinsic part of who I am.

Of course if we’re speaking in a literal start over from scratch through amnesia and a new place or just starting off from childhood all over again with a clean slate I suppose that I’d never become a doctor. It’s not that I don’t enjoy my work or that I don’t get something out of helping people because I do, I have and will continue to do so. But maybe my father was right when I was a kid. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this kind of life. Facing life and death situations be it my life or the life of someone else, it’s not a picnic and I can’t quite explain how it feels to succeed or fail.

There are always two sides to every question like this. The literal or figurative. A lot of people might say they wouldn’t change a thing and that regrets are useless to have because your life has shaped the person you are. Honestly though, I have regrets and I can’t say that I wouldn’t do so many things over again. I would. It’s just hard to say which things I would change and which things I’d keep the same. Which people I’d give up knowing and which ones I’d save. There’s a blurry line.

Muse: Jack Shephard
Fandom: Lost
Word Count: 311
 
 
Jack Sheppard
The biggest mistake I’ve ever made in a relationship? Really? I suppose to get the real story you’d have to call Sarah, my ex-wife because some days I’m still not sure what happened between us. I can’t even think straight sometimes when it comes to my past with Sarah. I was absent though I think. I just wasn’t there, maybe it’s a doctor thing, we get so caught up in our work that its hard to even put in the time or effort of living outside the hospital or maybe that’s just me making excuses for the way things turned out. I honestly just could not tell you.

I probably should never have married her in the first place. It’s not that I didn’t love her because I did. She was everything to me for a long time, I’m just not entirely sure why she was everything if that makes any sense. I don’t know if it was obligations, if it was because I fixed her or if it was just her. And sometimes I really hate myself for that indecision.

Sometimes I put so much of myself into things that there is just enough left for other people. And sometimes I put so much of myself into people that, I get lost pretty easily when they let me down or hurt me.

I do a lot of things wrong in relationships. Who doesn’t right?

Muse: Jack Shephard
Fandom: LOST
Word Count: 235
 
 
Jack Sheppard
15 April 2007 @ 01:16 am
I never thought I would kill a human. I knew I was capable of it because who in the world isn’t capable of things like that? Nobody in my estimation. We are all capable of things most of us really wish we weren’t. It’s just that we’re rarely in the position to consider things like that. But now, I’d still like to think that I would never be able to kill someone, despite having done so within the first week we were on the island.

The circumstances were different and most people would tell me that I did what I had to so that a man did not die in complete agony but I still see his face in my head at night. Along with all the people who’ve died on my operating table.

I nearly let Ben die to save Kate and Sawyer. Some days I think that I would have given in, I would have saved him even if they hadn’t let my friends go and other days I’m sure that I’d have stood there while he bled out on that table staring down whoever the hell had stayed behind to put a bullet in my head. I would have done anything to save Kate and Sawyer; and to tell you the truth, that scares me.

We are all capable of doing horrible things to ourselves and to each other. I just never thought I’d ever have to face that part of myself. I could deny that its there but what use would that really be?

Muse: Jack Shephard
Fandom: LOST
Word Count: 258
 
 
Jack Sheppard
29 March 2007 @ 10:38 am
Title: Learn to Run
Song: "Strange" by Joe Brooks
Character: Jack Shephard
Rating: PG - 13 language
Pairing(s): No pairing written but there are Kate references, As always
Fandom(s): LOST
Author's Note: Spoilers and Spec. Up to current ep.


when everything's strangeCollapse )

Word Count: 268